The Lost
by thevigilante15
Summary: aftermath of finale "out of the box" MAJOR SPOILERS! Neal/Peter no slash! father/son/friends
1. Chapter 1

**The Lost**

**Disclaimer: I do not own White Collar. I will get back to Hidden but the finale was so amazing I had to write this too. Major spoilers ahead for the finale. I hope you enjoy!**

_Kate was gone._

That was the only coherent thought ... motion... sense that Neal knew deep in his bones. No matter how much he cried or pleaded with Peter to let him go, he knew it was too late. It was probably too late the moment she got on the plane. The plane he was meant to be on. Neal swallowed the bile back in his throat over the images rising in his head. He felt utterly alone even though he sensed that he wasn't. Peter's soothing words and tight grip kept him grounded in that simple fact but it didn't change anything. Not a damn thing. Even though Peter was there, Neal was still lost.

When it seemed as if hours had passed and Peter let up a bit, Neal dropped to his knees with tear streaked cheeks. He rested, staring at the blazing fire, feeling its heat... its raw power. Fire had so many uses. It would save a life from the cold or snuff it out in the wind. Neal would never look at fire the same way again.

Even though he was wrapped in cashmere, dressed to the nines in his attempt to please Kate, always to please her, he felt a bitter chill reach down to his core. He began to shiver almost violently until he had wrapped his arms like a cocoon around his chest, sliding to the ground completely and then wrapping his arms tightly around his knees. He began to rock back and forth saying nothing but praying to God that this pain would go away. He prayed it would go away or it would be the death of him.

Warm hands ...strong hands could be felt cascading down his back and around his shoulders. Not Kate's hands...must be Peter's. _Peter.._.. Neal sunk lower to the ground covering his head, burrowing into himself as far as he could go. Peter remained in silence. His friend had stayed. The only one he _trusted_ stayed with him. While Peter wasn't the type to deal with his feelings well, it was in his strength that Neal felt...the strength he no longer had.

"Neal?"

Neal said nothing. Peter sighed lowering his head and trying to look his friend in the eyes only to see two empty beautiful pools of blue... drowning

"Neal? I have to make some phone calls OK? Will you be alright for a minute?"

Peter winced at the word alright. When would anything be alright for Neal? _A long and arduous road ahead they had...._

Neal sat eerily still. Peter watched at a distance as he made phone calls to the Bureau to get a team , preferably his team out there to investigate. He couldn't be involved in this He was a citizen now. Peter looked around him searching to find his way, any way. Right now, he too was like Neal . He was lost as well.

After the call ended, Peter went back and sat down beside Neal on the cold concrete watching the flames flicker. Silence was their only mutual companion in this journey while they waited for the sirens to approach .

**If you like please review. I am thinking of making this at least two chapters maybe more. Next up would be the ride home..... if you wan to hear it, let me know and push the button!!!! Any mistakes made are my own:) **


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**Wow!!! I really don't know what to say. You guys are amazing!!!! I never expected this many reviews and likes, etc. for that tiny chapter. I know this one isn't super long but I felt it was at a good place to end. Yes, it appears it will be a few more chapters than two at this point:) THank you and I hope you enjoy!**

"Moz was right."

It was the first thing Neal had spoken since the paramedics and FBI cleared them from the explosion. The Bureau attempted to grill Neal, but mumbles and nods of his head seemed to be their only response until Peter was forced to take over as the sole witness to the event. Now, Peter was sitting beside Neal gripping the wheel terrified to ask what that statement meant, but knew he really had no choice in the matter.

"What was Moz right about?"

Neal's voice was emotionless.

"Happy endings aren't for guys like us."

Peter knew at that moment what it felt like to have your heart torn from your chest. Something deep inside of him ached to pull the car over and give the kid a hug. Within moments Peter had swevered past a torrent of blaring horns and obscenities from the cars he cut off and slowed to a halt at the side of the street. Neal hadn't even blinked or showed any kind of reaction that he normally would have with a stunt like that. Peter swallowed and inched forward until he was a hair's breath away from his friend. he reached out gently offering to take Neal to his house instead of June's, offering anything at that point that he had or could give . Apparently the gesture proved to be too much.

Neal shrugged Peter 's hand off his shoulder, rage burning in his eyes.

"Why do you want me to go with you? Afraid I'll take off? Don't want to relinquish your control over me yet?" Hsi eyes were bright and his nostrils flared.

"This is all your fault. When you put me away you made her vulnerable. You never should've come for me! " He paused to catch his breath. His rage was consuming him...drowning him.

"I should've been on that plane."

The words were so soft Peter almost didn't catch them. His head spun so fast past the accusations he was given...past the guilt and found the underlining admission.

"Don't...don't you ever say that, do you understand me?" Peter 's finger had begun to wag in Neal's direction as if scolding a wayward child. Neal's grief clouded his judgement...his unrelenting sense of logic...of what Peter was reffering too. All he could see was rage pointed at him, but not understanding that the rage was birthed out of fear.

"Leave me alone!"

Neal unlocked the door stepping out, and wrapping his coat around him tighter.

"Don't follow me Peter or I swear..." He didn't have anything or anyone to swear too so he fell silent.

"I'll give you two hours, Neal." Neal lifted his head, his dark brown locks falling into shawdowed eyes.

"I'll be at June's in two hours. If you're not there...." Neal waited holding his breath.

Peter kept his gaze steady...constant.

"I _will_ find you."

Neal said nothing and began to head off in the opposite direction leaving Peter behind to count the seconds.

**Well, hope you guys like this one as much. Thank you again!!!! Please review as always!**


	3. Chapter 3

**chapter 3**

**Do not own. Thank you again for all the reviews everyone! I hope you like this chapter. please keep reviewing. I work faster that way!!!**

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Two hours seemed like an eternity. Peter knew how to be a patient man when necessary. It was a requirement in law enforcement. He wasn't required to be patient when it came to family.

Peter kept one hand barely steady on the wheel as he made a call.

"She's gone."

it was all he could find to say. El, God bless her, knew. She always did. peter could tell by her sniffles she tried so desperately to mask that she was dreading what Peter's next words might be,

"Neal wasn't hurt."

That was enough for her. it always was. Peter knew he didn't deserve her and wondered when he ever would.

He hung up the phone silently craving the comfort and peace he would have for two hours before he re-entered his friend's private hell.

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Neal never realized how quiet his apartment was till this very moment. He could hear himself breathe, yet he couldn't hear his heart beating. It had become numb. Neal removed his jacket and shoes. His bare feet padded across the floor till he reached his counter. His graceful fingers traced the wood till he reached the wine glasses. He pulled one out and grabbed the first bottle he could find. He needed something to dull this ache. His fingers ran down the curves of the bottle. He decided he should see what poison he had chosen. His heart seized in his throat. _the Bourdeux..._

In a whirlwind of fury and grief, the glass left his hand, shattering against the French doors. The sound was a familiar one..._exploding...flames..._

Neal grabbed one after another until there weren't any glasses left. He sank bone weary to the floor as the tears spilled down his stretched out his long legs in front of him oblivious to everything including the shards of glass wedged in his fingertips.

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Peter bit his lower lip as he prepared to knock on Neal's door when he noticed it was partially opened. He knew Neal was inside from the rapid movement his vision caught. What he didn't expect to find was the sight that greeted him upon entrance. Neal was squatting down in a barely lit room surrounded by torn newspapers..._perhaps some books._...Peter thought. Neal's bare back cast dark shadows. Nimble fingers covered in what could have been blood and clay worked feverishly on what was the most beautiful piece of art Peter had ever seen. The sculpture was about a foot tall, fluid in its motion, sleek, a breath of life. Its wings were arched in flight. Delicate fingers reached up toward the heavens in forgiveness. The flowing garment wrapped around her, barely covering the angel's breasts. There was no face, perhaps there was not meant to be one, but Peter knew who it was meant to be.

Neal wouldn't have even realized Peter's presence if it weren't for a small gasp that escaped his lips.

A dark head turned to see its guest. His face still covered in ash, his eyes stood a stark contrast to the surroundings. Neal didn't trust his own voice at the moment. He barely trusted his own hands as he worked.

"The door...ah..." Peter felt as if he had intruded upon a very spiritual moment.

Neal stood up shakily, nearly falling over if it weren't for Peter. Peter could smell the alcohol on Neal before he even noticed the bottle gripped in his hand. _His lifeline... _

"It's been two hours."

Peter's hand clasped around Neal's forearm unaware of the soothing motion his fingers provided.

Neal grinned as his blue eyes looked to the bottle clutched tightly in his hand.

"I'd offer you a glass, Peter, but as you can see..."

He gestured the floor at his feet.

Peter took note of the bare feet surrounded by fragments of glass.

"Neal..."

The name was lost on his lips as Neal pulled away walking through the glass as if it were nonexistent. He stopped in front of his masterpiece. Before Peter could say a word, he whispered.

" Some of my best work."

Peter looked to the sculpture. _Neal's_ best work, Neal's work..._not a copy...._

Before Peter could speak, Neal grabbed the Bourdeux hiding behind the angel. His fingers caressed it like a lover.

"Do you remember what I told you this was, Peter? It was a promise."

His eyes studied it intently tracing the map 's lines.

"I broke that promise."

His head shot up and his solemn gaze met Peter's.

"I'm sorry about what I said earlier, Peter. It wasn't your fault."

He faced his angel..._his own self recriminations...._

"It was mine."

In an instant, Neal's own arm was poised , bottle in hand about to strike the statue.

Flashes of what could be and what was about to happen made peter move faster than he thought possible. In that one moment if Neal destroyed this...this entity that defined his tragedy in his life...Peter feared it would be the death of Neal as he knew him.

Strong hands clasped Neal's wrists in mid air. Blue eyes sought out brown.

"Don't."

Neal blinked barely registering the word...its true meaning and saw the blank look in the kid's beautiful eyes. Peter's own eyes softened as his hands touched Neal's shoulders.

Neal slowly lowered his arm. His body shook knowing that destroying this piece he would be destroying himself. The same hands that helped him stand would now hold him when he fell.

"Don't."

With that one word, Neal came undone.

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Well, it is my fave so far. Hope you like. Pleaser review!!!! Up next, The aftermath of this follows Neal through the night. June wasn't home at this point but she and Moz will make an appearance a few chapters in.**


	4. Chapter 4

chapter 4

**I really wanted to have this up yesterday but it never happened. Thanks again for the support and reviews. Please keep them coming. They really do inspire me to keep writing!**

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Peter kept a steady gaze on his young charge who had finally fallen asleep. Neal's figured was sprawled breathing deeply as Peter watched the rise and fall of his chest. Peter dug the heels of his palms into this eyes desperately trying to get rid of the images in his mind.

Neal had fallen apart mere hours ago. Dropping to his knees in quiet sobs one moment and the next screaming at the top of his lungs. Peter did the only things he could do: he stayed by Neal's side as his silent partner. He watched Neal destroy June's apartment. He listened to Neal scream obscenities till his throat was raw. He felt each blow Neal gave to the doors, counters and anything else he could get his hands on.

He saw the tears in Neal's eyes as he realized how lost he was.

A small whimper brought Peter back to the present. He stood up hearing his back crack and cursed his age as he went over to him. Neal's hair was plastered to his forehead, covered in sweat. Peter brushed the locks out of his eyes and silently checked the young man over. His hands and feet were still tightly bandaged. It had taken Peter nearly one hour to remove the shards of glass from Neal's body. Neal hadn't even stirred during the process, completely entrusting Peter even in his sleep.

Peter sighed and wondered if he should try to sleep for at least an hour when Neal began to twitch.

He began to murmur and plead with the silent ghosts in his head.

it wasn't until he began to thrash about that Peter intervened. Neal shot up in the bed, hands clutching the silk sheets. He ran one hand over his face, brushing day old stubble and weariness away.

It took a few moments before recognition and a painful reality dawned on him. His breathing quickened and he felt as if his heart would explode. His blue eyes scanned the room. He remembered the rage, grief and destruction. _Was it all a dream?_

_"_Did I..." he began thinking he was alone until a voice answered him.

"Yeah, you did."

Neal swallowed hard when he realized he wasn't alone. He looked embarrassed, and ashamed for his outburst as well as for the fact that Peter had obviously cleaned up his mess.

"June...she's..."

Peter stood up from the couch and took a seat next to Neal on the bed.

"I'm sure she'll forgive you."

Peter's voice was a lot quieter than Neal expected it would be.

"What do I do now, Peter?"

Neal knew that Peter would know. He was his only constant besides Moz . Maybe those two always were....

"Right now, you need to be under 24 hour surveillance."

The sleepiness banished from Neal's eyes as realization dawned on him .

"I'm supposed to be dead."

Peter understood survivor guilt and felt a pang of sympathy for Neal.

"You're not dead."

Neal's bright eyes met Peter.

"Because of you."

Peter had to tear his eyes away from the kid's unabashed look of faith and trust. _Damn it, Neal...._

He was not up to having this conversation at the moment.

"Tomorrow we can talk if you want to, but right now you need to get to sleep." Neal frowned. Sleep was the furthest thing from his mind at the moment.

Peter gave his own legs a slap and stood to stretch. He could feel Neal's eyes watching his every move right until he saw Peter's fingers dancing over the cell phone.

Backup...Neal knew how it worked. Peter needed to call backup so he could get home to Elizabeth. Neal knew it had to be done. He would be trapped in a new kind of cell with strangers as roommates.

Peter whispered softly in to the phone with one hand on his hip. When he hung up his brown eyes softened toward Neal. Neal shifted uncomfortably under the scrutiny. He knew what was about to go down even if he didn't want to accept it. He didn't need Peter to hold his hand. He could get through this.

"Tell Elizabeth I said hi, Peter."

Peter sighed running his hand through his hair.

"I will...tomorrow."

Neal's confusion was clearly written on his face.

"Aren't you.... I mean didn't you just call an agent to relieve you?"

Peter's amusement was unmasked.

"I called Elizabeth who wanted to know how you were should you wake up. Besides, do you think anyone else wants this detail, Caffrey?"

Neal's head dropped. His lips curled slightly, beyond grateful to Peter.

"Didn't know you cared, Peter."

Peter whispered words not meant for Neal's ears.

"More than you know."

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Hope you like it. pleaser review and up next Mozzie visits!!!**


	5. Chapter 5

**chapter 5**

**Sorry for the delay. I have the flu and it has not been fun:( hope you enjoy. Reviews are better than medicine!**

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Neal had awoken mere hours after having fallen asleep but refused to leave the bed. His eyes were bright but the spark that made Neal who he was had faded into an ember. Peter sat drinking coffee, keeping on eye on his charge when a knock at the door startled Neal whose questioning eyes sought his. Peter grinned a crocked grin and muttered.

"Wonder who that could be..."

Neal continued to sit on the bed slumped over with the warm sun arched across his back leaving his face in shadows.

"Neal???"

Neal's head shot up at the familiar voice. Moz had pushed himself past Peter without so much as an "I'm sorry." and went to see his friend. Neal swallowed against the rage he could see in Mozzie's eyes.

"When were you gonna tell me huh?"

Neal lowered his head.

"I was going to call you...."

"When , huh? After the investigation ended? That could've been months."

Neal , keeping his head down, continued to ask questions.

"How did you find out?"

Moz stopped pacing , his eyes narrowed on Neal.

"Oh let's see. I saw the footage of the plane blowing up that you were suppose to be on!!! If it weren't for the Suit here, I would've been planning your funeral."

Neal cringed at the tone. He had heard Moz use it many times in his life particularly when he was trying to guide the younger man. Neal sighed.

His baby blues pleaded with Moz as they met face to face.

"I'm sorry."

The strangled words barely made it past Neal's lips.

Moz stopped pacing long enough to look, _actually look,_ at Neal. He saw a pale reflection of his friend, the kid he had taken under his wing, the kid he did his damnedest to protect. He saw the person he thought he had lost forever, barely holding it together.

Withtin two steps, Moz allowed himself to give into the touch he denied himself before Neal had left. Without hesitation he threw his arms around his best friend.

Neal stiffened for a moment at he contact before melting into it, burying his face in Mozzie's shoulder.

"She's gone. "

The words were muffled , and Moz who was never short on words found himself at a loss as exactly what to say other than the facts.

"I know."

Peter watched on in silence seeing for perhaps the first time that Moz meant more to Neal than he might have realized. While Peter didn't know all the details of Neal's youth, he had a strong suspicion that he wouldn't have gotten through it in one piece if it weren't for this man here, kneeling in front of his sobbing friend, simply holding him. Peter was grateful that Haversham had Neal's back as more than a partner in crime. Neal needed all the parental figures he could get.

Neal finally leaned back from Mozzie's shirt, drenched with his tears. His embarrassment clearly etched on his face.

"I can't believe I just did that."

Moz looked at his shirt.

"Did what? Got snot all over my Italian threads?"

Neal looked into his friend's eyes about to protest that the shirt was clearly a fake when he saw the grin hidden withtin.

For the first time in days Neal smiled back.

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I know short but I've been sick here and wanted to deliver something. Up next a bit more Moz, a bit of June and maybe El!**


	6. Chapter 6

**chapter 6**

**Disclaimer: I do not own. Sorry for the delay. I was sick for so long here and then RL. Anyway, thanks for the reviews everyone! I didn't get that many for the last chapter which is fine but I wanted to make sure that there was still interest in the story is all. Enjoy and review if you are interested! **

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Peter watched with intent as Neal let Elizabeth care for him. Neal was like a doll being plied with cookies and tea at a child's party. He barely appeared to have the energy to refuse El and went along with her mothering. Peter knew El's intentions were good and that Neal did as well even if Neal 's heart was absent through it all. He sipped his coffee unaware of June coming up behind him.

"I came as soon as I could, Peter."

Peter spun around meeting the concerned eyes of Neal's newest confidant.

He stood up and embraced her gently.

"Is he alright?"

Peter gave a have shrug and nodded in Neal's direction.

"He's doing. It's a bit of a shock."

June nodded with tear filled eyes.

"It was for everyone."

Peter silently agreed.

"His tether is broken now, Peter. "

Peter diverted his attention from Neal to June.

"Whatever demons that boy hides are now free. He needs you more than ever even if he doesn't realize it yet."

June squeezed Peter's shoulder and walked to the man who had become more than tenant and embraced him slowly.

Peter let out a low breath suddenly fearing what demons Neal could possible be hiding.

* * *

After little negotiation, Peter and Neal arrived at the Hilton where Peter swore to protect his friend at all costs. Elizabeth had gone to her sister's, while Moz and June were under the watchful eyes of Jones and crew at least for the next 24 hours. Peter decided that being cautious was better than burying anyone else.

The two men arrived into the darkened hotel. Peter sought the light switch while Neal followed the moonlight to the bed closest to the window. Peter wondered if Neal's intention was to sleep furthest from the door incase anyone should come in or perhaps it was just to catch a glimpse of moonlight after so many years without. Watching Neal's shadow as he sat with a quiet thump onto the covers and said nothing. Peter forgo the light and wondered if Neal even noticed its absence.

Peter sat at the desk close to him but allowed him his space. The past 24 hours or so have been unbearable and smothering.

"Beautiful isn't it , Peter?"

Peter was thrown by the whispers after hearing nothing for over an hour now.

"Yeah." Peter watched Neal as he wrung his hands rhythmically squeezing them, feeling the blood course in his veins.

_He was alive, damn it. He was still alive._

Neal's blue eyes solemn and empty, faced Peter.

"How long are we staying here?"

Peter waited for comments concerning the lack of a five star hotel...anything to get Neal back. Anything to get _his_ Neal back.

"I don't know. Maybe 24 hours. Maybe more."

Neal nodded and returned his watch over the moon.

"You can't protect me forever, Peter."

Peter's heart clenched.

"I know." He resisted the urge to ask if anyone ever did.

Neal's dark head dropped a shilloettee against the shadows.

"What do I do now?"

Peter wasn't sure if he was suppose to hear the murmurs of despair, but he had and couldn't let Neal be alone in it.

"You have the life you always wanted."

Neal faced Peter as if his words mocked him, brandishing his wounds.

"What life, Peter. Kate was my life. " Quieter still, "She was a life I hadn't been able to touch in over 4 years."

Peter leaned forward.

"Listen to me, Neal." He hesitated a moment.

"Your life ...your life is so much more than one person. It's comprised of the things you do for others. The talents you share...the goodness in your heart. "

Neal's eyes glistened and drew into slits.

"Yeah, you have done good. you've done a lot of good like I told you before. Don't think that you haven't or won't in the future."

Neal desperately wanted to believe that but so much was rising... the ebb and flow ... he didn't know if he could handle the inevitable crash that was to come.

"I don't know who I am anymore or who I'm suppose to be."

Peter smiled at him in the dark realizing that that was Neal's first step to recovery.

"You will. Trust me, you will."

With that the two sat the remaining hours in silence.

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Hope you liked. Drop me a line!!!**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

**No excuses. Should've updated sooner. Hope you enjoy! ( I am disregarding that Neal ever went to prison in this story after the explosion.) **

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Peter awoke bleary eyed and disheveled a moment before the dawn broke through. He rubbed his eyes trying to subdue the burning within them. He blinked several times clearing his vision until he turned to see Neal staring at the rising sun.

Peter kept his silence not sure if Neal even noticed he was awake yet. The kid looked like he hadn't slept all night. _Perhaps he hadn't..._

Peter kept his gaze steady on the younger man who sat stiffly gripping the polyester sheets tightly in his hands.

"I used to watch the sunrise everyday when I was a kid."

Peter's ears perked up as he straightened in his chair while June's words echoed in his head... _His tether is broken now, Peter._

Peter said nothing waiting patiently for Neal to continue.

The young man's dark hair dropped into his face, curling at the base of his neck. He looked even younger than his 32 years.

"Even in prison, I used to close my eyes and imagine the brilliance of that one moment. Something many of us take for granted. Myself included."

His words broke off , brittle and forced as if he feared he had said too much to Peter.

Neal kept his blue gaze steady toward the colors blurring into a palette of wonder.

"I left home when I was 16. "

Peter blinked absorbing that fact.

Neal kept his eyes on the sun's gathering brilliance outside his window.

"I didn't have a dime to my name. Spent those first few weeks digging through trash cans and dumpsters just to survive. If it weren't for Moz..."

He trailed off. Peter swallowed the lump that formed in his throat. What was so horrible that Neal felt he had to leave home?

Neal ran a shaking hand over his face, trapped in the past.

"Those, " he said turning to face Peter with bright eyes, "those were some dark days. " A bitter laugh escaped his lips.

"Did you ever wonder if you were unloveable, Peter? Were you searching for the missing piece when you saw Elizabeth?"

Peter remained silent his eyes giving Neal the answer he craved.

"Kate was that missing piece. She could light up a room with her smile. She was like me..."

Peter's urge to interrupt and claim that Kate was nothing like Neal. The things Neal didn't know about her..._.now he never would..._

"We were young when we met...barely 20. " Neal cracked a small smile at the memory.

"I knew she was the one."

Peter sighed, licked his lips slowly.

"Neal..."

Neal turned to face his friend.

"She was** the one.**"

Peter paused as their eyes met. Peter remained silent, allowing Neal to believe just that.

"Peter, " Neal's eyes faltered His confidence's thin veil torn in two revealing the true Neal; the Neal Peter only hoped existed beneath the con.

"This is..." Neal lost his voice among the orange blaze outside his window.

Peter stood up and placed a hand on his friend's shoulder squeezing gently.

Desperately wanting the truth that was the Neal Caffrey he thought he knew could wait. _**This **_Neal could not.

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Please review. Once again sorry for the looooong wait. Only 1 or 2 more chapters to go.**


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